


His Choice

by kathiann



Series: 10 Song Challange [4]
Category: The Mentalist
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-08
Updated: 2009-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:19:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathiann/pseuds/kathiann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What might happen if Jane is indeed confronted by Red John and given the choice to kill him or not, and how that might affect his relationships with the people around him. I don't know how long this is going to end up being.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so this is an expansion on the drabble that I did for the latest chapter in my iPod drabble fic. Inspiration for this goes to the song You Picked Me by A Fine Frenzy. Love that song. I know this is really short, but there will be another chapter at least. Most likely just one more. And a special thanks to Ebony10 for reading this through for me.

Lisbon was sitting at the desk she had taken over at the small sheriff's office in the tiny little nowhere town that the team had been stranded in all week. She resented the fact that she was here. It was all Jane's fault. Ok, that wasn't fair.

It had been a long week. Red John had been taunting them-well Jane-again. And now Jane had disappeared. She had no idea where he'd gone, off chasing ghosts probably. She was driving through the back woods town that they had been 'sent' to by Red john. He had to be here somewhere.

She drove along the roads, slightly faster than needed. She knew she'd know where Jane was when she saw it, at least she hopped she would. He'd been jumpy all week, more aggravated than usual, as if he thought they really had a chance this time. He'd been unusually quiet, following leads on his own. Generally he'd let her know where he was going, but not tonight, tonight he had just up and disappeared when he got up to go to the bathroom at dinner. She knew she should have been suspicious, but well, she hadn't been, not at the time.

The sound of her cell phone made her jump and she reached to answer it. "Lisbon."

"I can't do it."

"Jane? Where the hell are you?"

"I can't do it."

"Do what Jane? Talk to me!"

"He's here, right in front of me. He's just standing there, looking at me, and I can't do it."

"Jane. Listen to me. You need to tell me where you are."

"The old factory, about a mile from where you are now."

She didn't bother to ask how he knew where she was and flipped on the siren speeding to where he was. "What's Red John doing now?"

"He's just standing here. Looking at me, laughing."

"Does he know you're on the phone?"

"He's not stupid Lisbon."

"I know that Jane. Why is he letting you talk on the phone?"

"He wanted me to tell you, I pick you." And then the line went dead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I got hijacked by a fic for Simon Bakers old series The Guardian. But here it is now, so I hope you all enjoy. This chapter fueled by french-fries dipped in vanilla soft serve. Cool and delicious. A good way to beat the 100 degree heat at midnight. Not betaed, so all mistakes are mine. It's also very late, so although I've read this through, I'm sure there will be some.

_Earlier That Day_

He didn't think he could put up with another day of this. They had been following Red John's leads all week and were getting nowhere. There was a very simple explanation for this. He was behaving himself. He promised Lisbon that he would be on his best behavior for this case. It was silly really; he didn't even know why he had done it. Only the look on her face when she had asked…he just couldn't tell her no.

And now he was regretting it. He wished he could take it back. He was sitting in 'his' chair, the one he had commandeered from the sheriff's office when they had first got to this tiny little Podunk town. It wasn't as nice as his couch back home in Sacramento, but then, what was? He was contemplating saying to heck with it all when Rigsby came into the small office that the team was using waving a piece of paper. Another clue. Another hint. Another dead end. Another colossal waist of time. He didn't even bother getting up out of his chair. Oh the contrary, he snuggled further down into it, closing his eyes.

"Hey, we got another letter from him." Rigsby said handing the letter to Lisbon.

"Ok everybody listen up. 'My favorite CBI team. I'm sad to say that this week is almost over and you are still no closer to finding me than you were at the beginning of the week. I grow tiered of this game. I will give you one last chance.' And there's an address, same as before. Ok, who wants to go this time?"

"I'll go." Said Cho standing from the chair he'd been occupying.

"Alright, Cho, take Rigsby. Van Pelt, come with me, we still need to question the man who lives at the address he sent us yesterday. Jane, who do you want to go with?" Lisbon asked, turning to him.

"I'm just going to stay here, thanks. It's all a waste of time." Jane muttered from his chair.

"Whatever Jane." Lisbon said, sticking the latest letter in the board with the other 6 that had sent them to this horrible little piece of earth.

He sat in the chair for an hour, dozing a little bit, but not actually sleeping. He would have stayed there longer had he not gotten a crick in his neck and had to get up to stretch it. Lacking something else to do he decided to look at the letters tacked up on the board in the small room. He looked at them, for the first time really. Sure he's glanced at them before, but he hadn't actually stared at them, compared them. He did that now, just looked at each letter up close, then backed up and looked at them all together. He rearranged them on the board, but them in a circle, in a horizontal row and a vertical row. The last thing he did was stack them on top of each other. And that's when he noticed it. There were parts of each address visible through the stack of papers. Jane didn't know how he'd done it, make the address visible through 6 pages of typing paper, but Red John had given him the real address.

He thought about calling Lisbon and letting her know, but knew what would happen if he did. She would tell him to stay there and he wouldn't listen and she would still beat him there, and then he'd have no chance to extract his revenge on Red John. So instead, he would go first, then he would call her. After he had done what he wanted to.

He checked around to see if any of the sheriff's nosy men were lingering about. If he didn't know better he'd say that Lisbon paid them to make sure he stayed in line and didn't go anywhere unsupervised, but that wasn't like Lisbon. She was the more scare them half to death and threaten them with their lives if he miss behaved type. Yes that was more like his Lisbon.

He was almost home free when Lisbon and Van Pelt came walking in the front door to the sheriff's office. No way for him to hide now, it was too late.

"Hey Jane, where you going?" Lisbon asked, as if knowing he was trying to make an escape without telling her, going against his promise to behave himself.

"Men's room." Jane said the first thing that popped into his head.

"Well hold it till we get to the restaurant for dinner. We can discuss the case over burgers and fries, Cho and Rigsby are meeting us there."

They headed out to the black SUV that Lisbon preferred. There was no way for him to take his car without arousing her suspicions. He would just have to wait until they were all eating and take a set of keys from one of them.

The guys were already at the local dinner when the rest of them got there and it didn't take long for Jane to figure out that Cho had the keys to the smaller blue SUV that the team had brought. Jane knew that there was no way he could lift the keys out of Lisbon's front pants pocket, they were just cut to close and to tight for him to be able to do it without having to make out with her first. Cho on the other hand, he would be easy.

Standing next to the short man at the jukebox he slipped a finger into his pocket and hooked it around the key ring and pulled it out. Now he just had to wait for the right moment to make his escape. They all sat around the large table off to the side of the room; back a ways from the door and ordered burgers and fries. Well, Lisbon ordered a salad instead of fries, and Rigsby ordered two burgers which caused Van Pelt to start to lecture him on the amount of fat and cholesterol he would be consuming. This was the perfect time.

Rolling his eyes at them and with a quick look to Lisbon, Jane got up and headed to the men's room like he'd said he was doing earlier. He walked towards the men's room but switched direction at the last minute when he was sure that Lisbon was caught up in the conversation between Rigsby and Van Pelt. He quickly got in the SUV and drove off, knowing he had at least a ten minute head start before Lisbon would realize he was missing.

He drove towards the old factory on the outside of town. It had stopped being used in the 1980's but was still standing and in relatively decent condition. They had driven by it on their way into town, but Jane hadn't given it much thought. Now he wished he had. He remembered that there had really only been one building, surrounded by a chain link fence in poor condition, with a gate, that if Jane was correct, was missing it's lock, and lots of broken windows.

Not only was the gate not locked, it was standing open when Jane got to the factory. This should have been a sing, but Jane ignored it. He was too close to his ultimate goal. He'd been playing nice all week and it was starting to wear on him. He was itching for revenge, he wanted to go in there and kill Red John, and he didn't care if he was killed in the process.

He reached under the passenger seat and pulled out a large hunting knife that he had stashed up under the seat, almost in the cushion. He knew it was risky, but he never knew what car he was going to be driving when he finally caught up with Red John. He held the knife in front of him as he entered the building, he wasn't sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn't the sight he saw in front of him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this is going to be longer than three parts. It just happened that way, what can I say. Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed, I really appreciate it. Oh, and a special thanks to lgmtreader for beataing this for me. It was invaluable.

A man was sitting on a chair, in the middle of the factory floor. There was no longer any equipment inside, just a large empty room with some scaffolding along the sides and near the ceiling. The man, he was just sitting there looking at Jane as he entered; obviously he was Red John.

"I expected you sooner, Mr. Jane." The man said with a slight sneer.

"Red John," was Jane's only response as he held his knife up and moved towards Red John in a calculated movement. He was stopped by the man's voice.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

" _What?_ "

"I wouldn't kill me if I were you."

"I don't care about going to jail."

"No, you don't. But, you do care about others."

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you think your friends are missing you at dinner yet? Lovely little diner. I've eaten there myself several times. That table in the corner is one of the only tables large enough to hold five people without having to move two tables together."

"How do you know where we were sitting?"

"I've been watching you, Mr. Jane. Watching that lovely little woman you work with."

Jane had heard enough. He lunged at Red John with the knife, missing wildly as Red John stepped out of the way. Red John started laughing at him. "You missed me, Mr. Jane."

"You moved."

"You could have hit me if you wanted."

"Shut up!"

"Lets try this another way, Mr. Jane. I've been watching you, Mr. Jane. Right now, I have a little friend of mine following your little boss as she drives around this pitiful little town looking for you. It's crazy, but that little _woman_ actually cares about a miserable soul such as yourself."

"So you have someone following her, so what."

"I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. You hold in your hands the life of your friend, whom, if I'm not mistaken, you've grown to love as well."

"What do you mean?" Jane let the hand holding the knife relax and fall to his side.

"If I die, so does she."

"What happens to me?"

"Obviously, I kill you, or she gets here in time and saves you."

Jane just stared at him, not quite understanding.

Red John laughed at him again. "As I see it, Mr. Jane, you have two choices. You can kill me and be responsible for her death, or, you can let her live."

"I can't…"

"Time is running out, Mr. Jane. Make a decision, or you will die and Agent Lisbon as well."

"I can't…she can't die. I can't have another death on my hands. Another death of a person I care about." Jane paused for a minute feeling sick to his stomach at the sight of Red John's sick grin on his face. "How do I know that you really have someone following her?" He asked as if there was a possibility that he was lying.

Red John didn't say anything just opened a cell phone and one of the speed dial buttons. Jane heard a phone ringing through the open space; it was obviously on speaker phone so that Jane could hear what was being said.

"Yeah, Boss?" a voice on the phone said.

"Where is she?"

"She just left the restaurant, she looks pissed. The big guy is following her, looks like he's complaining about not being able to finish dinner. Um, yeah, she's sending him back inside and getting into her SUV by herself, and she's headed south on the main street, we're going past the school now. Man that building needs to be torn down and rebuilt."

"That's nothing; he could be making that up," Jane said, not really believing himself.

"She's wearing those tight little black jeans again Boss. Showen off her tight little ass." The voice said, proving that he had indeed seen Lisbon.

"That's enough. No touching her unless you do NOT hear from me, do you understand?"

"Yea." And the call ended.

"So Mr. Jane. The choice is yours. Who will it be? You or her? Are you willing to give her up for your pathetic excuse for revenge?"

Jane just looked at him, the hatred evident on his face. He couldn't let Lisbon die for his revenge. It was one thing if he died, but not her, never her. He'd never wanted her to get hurt by his need for revenge, never. "How do I know I can trust you? You are a murderer after all."

"That is true, Mr. Jane. You shouldn't trust me. But, that's not all I want from you. I want you to tell her why you are going to be found dead. I want her to know why it is that she is alive and you are not."

This felt like a trap to him, but what was he supposed to do? He would do everything in his power to save her. Jane nodded and pulled his phone from the pocket in his coat. He noticed the self-satisfied smirk on Red John's face and sighed as he dialed the phone.

"Lisbon." Her voice was like music to his ears, he felt a pain at the thought of never hearing it again.

"I can't do it."

"Jane? Where the hell are you?"

"I can't do it."

"Do what Jane? Talk to me!" He hated to hear her voice so panicked, it was so unlike her.

"He's here, right in front of me. He's just standing there, looking at me, and I can't do it."

"Jane. Listen to me. You need to tell me where you are." He glanced at Red John. What the hell he was going to kill him anyway.

"The old factory, about a mile from where you are now."

"What's Red John doing now?"

"He's just standing here. Looking at me, laughing."

"Does he know you're on the phone?"

"He's not stupid, Lisbon."

"I know that, Jane. Why is he letting you talk on the phone?"

"He wanted me to tell you, I pick you." As soon as he'd said those words Jane felt the phone being ripped from his hands and a fist connecting with his face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're thinking; this isn't an update on What if? And you're right. Having completed the last chapter the block that was keeping me from writing anything else seems to have been lifted. This is good, because in 2 weeks I've got 8 pages of original work due in my creative writing class. Not my favorite chapter, but that's ok, because I've been meaning to post this for the past three days and Eve 215 has been waiting very impatiently, sorry about that :) Not betaed, so if you see anything super horrible, please let me know so I can fix it, I am only human after all.

" _He wanted me to tell you, I pick you." As soon as he'd said those words Jane felt the phone being ripped from his hands and a fist connecting with his face._

Jane staggered under the weight of the blow; he knew the hit could have been a lot harder had Red John wanted it to be. He brought his hand up to his check where the blow had connected and could already tell that there was going to be a huge bruise. He backed up enough to be away from the man in front of him.

"How do I know that you won't just let that guy following Lisbon kill her anyway?"

"You don't. You have to trust that your boss will be smart enough to notice that there is someone following her and call for back up."

Red John tracked him through the warehouse following every move Jane made but not getting any closer. Jane still had the knife, but it was hanging limp in his hand, the desire to maim Red John gone with the thought that Lisbon was now in danger.

"So are we just going to stand here all night and look at each other, or are we going to do something." Jane was nervous, scared even. He didn't know what to do, he knew Lisbon was close, and that the rest of the team was too far away to be of much help at the moment, especially as he had one of the cars and Lisbon was off on her own as well.

"Oh, Mr. Jane. Patience never was your strong suit, was it? No, I've waited a long time for this. Honestly, I thought you would have found me before now. I'm very disappointed that you didn't. I feel that I've over estimated you."

He took a step toward Jane who countered by taking a step back. "You have me, just get it over with so Lisbon can come in and pick up the pieces; we both know I'm the one you want."

"Are you?" Red John asked advancing on him again, "Are you who I want? I suppose I could have killed you when I killed your wife and daughter. If I had really wanted to. But I didn't. There isn't any enjoyment in killing you. It's much more fun to watch you punish yourself."

Jane continued to walk backwards, away from Red John, in the direction he was hoping was towards the door. "No, you can't want her, there's no reason to. She's just my boss."

"Oh really. You just volunteered to die in order for her to stay alive. I'd call that devotion, maybe even love. And I just can't have that."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Lisbon's just a good cop. She doesn't deserve to die just because you have some sort of vendetta against me."

"Who said it was about you? It's power Mr. Jane."

"Power?"

"By threatening your loved ones I've got power over you, you are ready to do anything for me, just because I hold a gun to someone's head or a knife to they're throat."

"NO!" Jane looked behind him, in the course of their conversation he had managed to back into the wall. He saw that he had got turned around so that he could see the door from where he was standing. He had to keep Red John talking until Lisbon got here and hope that the stooge that Red John had following her was too dumb to get out of his car and follow her in the building. "I refuse to believe that you have any sort of power over me."

"Oh Mr. Jane, who's the lonely soul now? Who's tormented and sad?" Jane recognized the very words that he had used to describe him all those years ago.

"It's not about power at all is it? It's your ego. You couldn't bear the thought that I might have been right about you, that I may have pegged you right. You couldn't have a dishonest little worm calling you out like that could you?"

Red John roared at him hated evident on his face before he lunged forward, he struggled with Jane for the knife was still in his hand before managing to wrench it away from him. Jane tried to fight back as Red John plunged the knife into his side. He felt himself falling to the ground and the last thing he remembered before the world went black was the sound of a gun shoot echoing through the empty warehouse.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the last chapter, but there might be another one, it feels slightly incomplete to me. Let me know what you think. I almost didn't post this today, but Eve215 had a bad day yesterday, and I've been lax in my duty of updating daily for her, so, here it is. At least this is easier for me to write than something original, still no ideas for that.

It was the beeping that woke him first. The constant beep that, when he focused, matched the beating of his heart exactly. The next thing he became aware of was the searing pain in his side; it was a hot angry pain that at the same time managed to throb. It was very distracting and almost made him miss the most important of all the things he could have noticed. The smell.

On top of the stinking sterile slightly sickening smell that meant he was in a hospital, there was also a smell that he loved, one that he recognized, on that if he wasn't careful would alert the person belonging to the smell to his state of wakefulness. He'd always had the impression that that particular smell could cause his heart rate to speed up, and it appeared it was true.

He focused on keeping his heart rate under control as he thought about what possibly could have happened. He remembered being at the warehouse and fighting with Red John. Red John was far superior to him in strength, and given enough time could probably have bested him in a battle of wits too. There really was only one reason he even hesitated when it came to the fight, even though he knew he would lose, and she was sitting in the room with him.

He still didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to face her; he knew she would ask him why he had done what he did. But at the same time he was curious. Had Red John died when she shot him? And he was assuming that it was Lisbon that had fired the shot that he had heard. What if it hadn't been her? What if someone else had fired the shot?

He couldn't worry about that now. How much time had passed since he had been stabbed? Because he remembered that. The feel of the knife in his side, a white hot blinding pain, not near as bad as the pain now, which was getting worse. He fought off a grimis as breathing became painful. He still didn't want to alert Lisbon to his state of wakefulness.

He heard a door open and heard footsteps he didn't recognize enter the room.

"How's our little celebrity doing tonight?" The voice belong to a woman he didn't recognize. She sounded older, not _old_ but middle aged, probably only a few years older than him. That thought gave him pause for a second, did _he_ sound old to people?

"Time for his pain medication, he looks like he's in pain." Lisbon, he would know that voice anywhere. But she sounded tired, exhausted really. He wondered how long she had been sitting there. Long enough for her sent to penetrate his haze. He was now sure that it hadn't been the beeping, but her that had caused him to wake.

"Yes it is." He could hear the other woman; he was assuming she was a nurse, moving around the room, checking machines. He felt a tightening on his arm as the blood pressure machine kicked on. He was pretty sure that if his side hadn't been hurting so badly the gradual over tightening of the blood pressure cuff on his arm could really be painful.

"Everything seems normal," the nurse said removing the blood pressure cuff from his arm. "Time for more medication."

"And he's not even awake to enjoy it." Lisbon said dryly. He heard some more noises and assumed the nurse was marking his chart.

"Well, with any luck he'll be awake soon. There you go. He's all set. You let me know if you notice any changes in him now, ok?"

"Sure thing, I'll let you know when he decides to wake up." He heard the nurse's footsteps move towards the direction he was assuming was the door and then heard the door open and close. He waited to see if Lisbon was going to do anything and was not disappointed.

"Ok, I know you're awake. Now open your eyes before the pain medication kicks in and you fall asleep again."

He reluctantly opened his eyes, expecting harsh bright light, but surprised at the dim glow that was emanating from somewhere behind him. "How'd you know I was awake?"

"Call it a lucky guess." She smiled at him from where she was sitting next to his bed. "You had us all worried there you know."

He just looked at her, was it possible that she was truly concerned for him? "What happened?"

"You were stabbed." She said, doing her best imitation of Cho, just the bare bone facts with no emotion hiding behind them.

"I know that, what happened after that?"

"I shot Red John, then he dropped the knife and we arrested him. Now why don't you tell me what happened after I talked to you last?"

Her avoidance of the subject was not lost on him, but he let it slide. "Red John hit me, we fought, he said that he didn't want to kill me, that he really wanted to kill you because I cared for you and he got more enjoyment out of watching me being miserable than killing me. He had someone following you, and I didn't know if you would be able to stop him from getting you." He saw her smirk at his last statement. "What?"

"Do you think Red John's the only one who could have spies and friends in disguise?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The man following me, Bill, sure he was 'working' for Red John. He also happened to be the husband of one of the officers in the town. Red John thought he had the inside track into our investigation when he came across Bill. But little did he know. As soon as He got off the phone with Red John she called me and told me what was going on. We were able to call the rest of the team for back up."

"So you knew, the whole time, and you still let me go out there?"

"Call it an inkling. We thought it was Red John, but we couldn't be sure, so we had to wait until we had confirmation."

"You let me think that your life was in danger." He was starting to get angry, which was hard to do at this point. He could feel the pain in his side diminishing and his head was starting to feel light.

"I never thought it would come to that. I just expected to have to follow you at some point and have you lead us to him. I was sure you could get him to say something that would make it clear that he was Red John, and then, well, we'd come in and stop you from doing something stupid. When you gave us the slip at the restaurant I started to panic. You weren't supposed to get that far ahead of me."

Jane was finding it harder to focus now, but he had to tell Lisbon one more thing before he let the drugs sweep him away. "I chose you. I chose to let you live. Red John said that he wouldn't let what was his name, Bill? Kill you if I didn't try to kill him. I couldn't let anything happen to you. I couldn't bear to be in the world without you."

"I know Jane. Just rest now." Lisbon smoothed a hand across his forehead and smiled at him sadly. "I know. I know."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't spell for the life of me, so there may be some misspelled word and/or names coming up. Let me know if you see them and if you know how to spell them correctly. Oh, and a huge thanks to lgmtreader who beated this for me. She really helped me work through the slight issue I was having around the middle of this. Hopefully this is all worked out.

The next time he woke up was quicker. The pain wasn't as intense and the smells were different. Lisbon wasn't there. But there was a smell he recognized. A subtle musk sent that was unmistakable. He opened his eyes slowly taking in the sight of the small man sitting in the same chair Lisbon had been in earlier.

"Cho, to what do I owe this pleasant surprise?" Jane said. His voice sounded slightly slurred and he wondered if by chance he had been given more pain medication while he was asleep.

"Lisbon didn't want you to be alone when you woke up."

"Why isn't she here?" Jane struggled to sit but decided against it, the pain in his side flared up when he tried to bend at the waist. Instead he reached behind his head and pushed the pillow in tighter to raise his head.

"You know she didn't do anything too horrible." Cho said straightening in his chair.

"What are you talking about?" He was confused. Why did what she pulled on him have anything to do with why she wasn't here. And yes it was horrible.

"Think about it man. How many times have you done something behind her back to get a suspect? Or lied to her to prove that you were right?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" He was starting to get angry, but he tried not to show it. He wasn't mad at Cho, he was mad at Lisbon. Still, some of the anger was finding its way into his voice.

"I get it, you're mad at Lisbon. She didn't say anything about it, I could just tell. Hell, the attorney general could probably tell. But she simply did what you do every day to her. She had an inside angle and instead of telling you, because she knew you'd find a way to screw it up, to make it so that we were so far behind you that we couldn't stop you from doing whatever it was that you were planning on doing, she kept it from you. Not that it mattered. You did it anyway. You're just mad because she almost pulled it off."

"I got stabbed. She could have prevented that if she had just told me what was going on."

"Really? If Lisbon had told you that we had an inside track to Red John would you have just let it go? Would you have waited for it to play out? Would you have taken her with you to meet with him? Would you have let it happen the way _she_ wanted it to happen?"

Jane didn't say anything, just sat there thinking as Cho continued. "I wasn't there, I don't know what happened, but I can tell you that none of us really believe that Red John was waiting there for you with just a knife. Or that you had gone unarmed. But it's Lisbon's word against a serial killer, so I'm pretty sure that they're going to believe her story."

"Her story? Where is she?" Jane felt like a broken record constantly asking where Lisbon was. He hadn't thought about it the way that Cho had just pointed out

"She's talking to the review board. Like we have to do every time we fire our guns. Only this time she has to explain why you were stabbed too. Now that you're awake, I'm leaving. I'll tell her you asked about her."

He got up to leave and Jane stopped him. "Wait, did all of you know about the guy, Bill, who was following her that night?"

"No. Rigsby may have known there at the end but he didn't say anything if he did. Not until we got the call telling us to come out." With that he turned and left the room.

Jane settled back into his bed. He hadn't asked how long he'd been out, but it couldn't be more than a day or two if Lisbon was just now meeting with the review board. And she was covering for him. It wasn't something he thought she would even do. Cover for him like that. What was she telling them? That it had been the plan all along for him to go in alone? How was she going to explain Red John stabbing him? He shook his head slightly to clear it.

Focusing on the facts he thought back to what of the conversation he could remember from when he had been awake before. He had been mad when he found out that Lisbon had been playing him all along. But Cho had a point. How was what she did any different from what he did on a daily basis? Sure, his plans didn't usually involve anyone getting stabbed, and other than that one time when he was trapped in that burning barn, he wasn't usually in danger. Ok, so once someone had gotten shot because of what he brought to light, but really, the man had killed his own daughter when she had refused to keep having sex with him. He deserved to get shot.

Ok, so he'd been almost shot when he went to see that Russian mobster about that stolen painting, and when he went to play golf with Sunny Batalia. But really, those were the only times. Apparently mobsters of any nationality just didn't care for him. Wait, and that doctor who tried to mimic Red John, and rather poorly, but that didn't really count, he was aiming wide anyway. It was rare for anyone else to get hurt in his plans. There was just that one time when his plan had been for Sophie to get shot in order to catch a killer. Sure Lisbon didn't know that was the plan, but at the same time, she wouldn't have let him do it if she had known. But other than that, his schemes were always well played. Oh ok—and he was almost shot that one time in the basement when they were so close to Red John.

He thought about what would have happened if Lisbon hadn't come in early that time, he would be dead. There was no doubt about it. And if she hadn't come in when she had today—or was it last night—he would probably be dead. How many times had she made it clear to her that killing Red John was his goal? How many times had he told her that he lived for vengeance? If they hadn't had Bill working with Red John, Jane probably would be dead right now. Someone else would have been following Lisbon and she might not have made it in time.

He thought about the conversation he'd had with Red John. Jane had been willing to give his life for Lisbon when he didn't realize that she had been playing him. Why was it any different now? Was it that he had been the one who was lied to?

His head still felt light, like it had when he had been given the pain medication while Lisbon was there. He had to talk to her, to tell her that no matter what, no matter what would have happened to him as long as she was alive it was ok. He remembered that once she had insisted that given the choice he would chose life over death. And he realized that he did. He picked her life over her death. And he would do it any day of the week.

He had to tell her that despite the fact that she had lied to him to achieve her preferred ending in the situation, he had still picked her life. He had still chosen her. His thoughts circled around and around in his head chasing each other and he hadn't even realized that he'd fallen asleep again until his eyes jerked open.

He looked around trying to figure out what it had been that had caused him to wake up so abruptly and spotted her almost immediately.

"Lisbon." It wasn't loud, more like he was just breathing her name.

"Jane, I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's ok. I was thinking about you."

"Really?" She sat in the chair that was still pulled up next to his bed.

"Yea. Cho was here earlier. We talked a little." Lisbon opened her mouth to say something but Jane cut her off. "He helped me realize that what you did, not telling me about Bill, wasn't anything different than what I do to you almost every case. And I realized something else. I realized that Red John gave me a choice, your life or his, and I picked you. I made my choice. I decided to let you live. I didn't care if I survived. I don't know if I've cared about my life since my family was killed by that monster. But I did care about your life. I don't think I could have lived knowing that something in my actions caused you to die. No amount of vengeance could change that."

"Jane, I don't—I don't know what to say. I came here to apologize to you, for keeping you out of the loop. I should have told you. But, well, I just didn't know what you would do. You've always been kind of a wild card. Whenever I think I've got you figured out, you do something to surprise me."

"Like this?" Jane asked in a joking way.

"Yeah, like this." They sat in silence for a while, neither feeling the need to talk.

"What did you tell the review board?" Jane asked after a while. He was starting to doze off and wanted to know before he fell asleep again.

"I told them that Red John had acted faster than we thought he was going to and that you had willingly volunteered to go in and catch him, knowing that there was the chance that you might be injured. You're going to have to testify about what Red John told you, but, other than that everything should be fine. Red John should be in jail for a good long time to come. We shouldn't have to worry about him again."

Jane nodded. It was hard to believe, but, Red John wasn't going to be able to torment him anymore. True, Red John wasn't dead. But then, neither was he. Or more importantly, Lisbon was alive and well. It looked like he may have for once in his life made the right choice.


End file.
